Guilt

I was divorced almost three and a half years ago and the guilt and feelings of sadness are as fresh as the day we went to court. My Ex had an unbelievable knack for blaming me for everything that could have gone wrong in our relationship. I am not suggesting that I am innocent, but when he continue to refuse to own up to anything in our relationship, that really gets my goat. I own 50% of the wrongdoings in my relationship, as well as 50% of the right things that happened in it. I am a realist and have forced myself to look at the marriage for what it was.

It was a relationship that we found in college. Things were better then, not perfect. I thought I found someone who I could share my love of life with, my passions. I was an artist in college, which he knew about. He knew I created art from the beginning that we met, in fact, he liked my artistic side. My art later became a bone of contention in our relationship. I was not a house wife or a maid. My Ex wanted me to be these things. He didn't want me to be an artist, a working woman, an independent woman. The things that drew him to me are the things that tore us apart.

It is painful to write this post, as I have not fully accepted and dealt with the pain of what happened. I went through the divorce as an attempt to stand up for my rights as a woman and a mom. It was my chance to give me something that I deserved, a life free of psychological pain.